this is going to be way off the crappy stories we have been posting...i dunno..i just feel quite lost lately...my aunt-in-law just passed away recently..and truthfully, that was e first time i cried for someone..i didn't even cry for my grandma and uncles..in fact i actually felt nothing when they passed away...so gals..someone with no emotions finally showed that she has...

when i was told she was admitted to the hospital, i was initially shocked but later went back to my happy mode cos i tot everything wld be ok altho she was in the emergency room and later in icu..after all, she had never been admitted to the hospital b4..when i went to the hospital the nxt day, initially, i was still ok cos i c my uncle who cried e day b4 was joking ard wid us..

then, i rmb in e nite when e doc told the whole family to be in a 'standby' mode since there was no hope..looking at my cousins crying and everyone reading prayers for her..i too started crying..like as tho i finally accepted the fact that she wld be gone from my life..she was like a 2nd mum to me..i rmb my childhood days when i never fail to spend my school holidays at her house..if it's a 1wk march hols, i will b at her house for close to a wk..going holidays and household shoppings with her family..

then when the doc said she was no longer in critical condition, i was surprisingly quick in getting back to my normal mode..sometimes, i dun understand myself..like my feelings can go a quick 180 degrees change..or i am just being better in blocking the unwanted feelings now or just refusing to accept the fact that she may pass away soon...i seriously got no idea...i overnite at e hospital..i think i left some of my cca ppl unhappy cos they were waiting for their money and this person keep on asking me if i have transferred her the money and settled the outstanding account..i was just scared to leave her level to find an atm machine..cos even if i not in her rm, if i remain at the level, i can rush in quickly..then it started again the nxt day when everybody from the common rm started rushing to her rm...i rmb her 16mth old grandchild giving a piercing cry at that very same moment the docs push the re-dunno wat machine to help her to breathe again..unsuccessfully..i guess wat ppl say is true..e young ones can really sense when someone close to them is going away..wat surprise me again was tat i didn't cry..when i was in e car on her way back to her house, i was even talking mundane stuff to her relatives whom i was not close to..even when she was brought back to her house, i was quick to blink away my tears..

on that nite, i could feel her presence at my house ard 1 plus in e morning when i was doing my cca stuff..it was as tho she was reminding me that my sister and i had promised to bathe and prepare her for her funeral and that i shld go to sleep..e morning i woke up, once again i felt the presence..and after talking to my sis, she said she also felt it..and we concluded that maybe she was reminding us again to be there quick to fulfill our promise since my whole family overslept..haha..and not surprisingly, we were late..but my sis and i just went straight to the kitchen, not caring of the others to shake hands first..leaving the muslim casket personnel stunned by our intrusion b4 my cousin explain that we were her fav nieces..when my sis started crying, i was trying hard not follow suit..having the daughter needing to comfort one is enuf..dun need for 2 when she herself is feeling the loss of her mum..

during the funeral, once again, i was quick to blink away my tears since it's not good to shed tears when bidding the last farewell...but after i gave her my final kiss, i just got out of the house and stare at the roads and blink away my tears..there was just too many ppl there for me to cry..i think i being gd in controlling my feelings..(not tat i got no feelings..haha..)

so guys..i'll be mia-ing for a short time cos i need to help my cousins clean up their house again since we practically had to shift a lot of stuff out of her house to make way for the funeral..and do my cca stuff b4 izyan start screaming at me...i know this my be cliche coming from me..it sounds to me..spend a lot of time with ur loved ones..i won't go to e extent saying tell them u love them often cos even i dun do tat...i guess u shld show them more..and shaz, sorry for dumping the whole ad stuff on u cos i think izyan wld liaise wid u more than hamizah..i'll start on it soon..will call u for e updates..feel like u taking e lead rather than me...tho i'm supposed to b e head..hehe..sori..and to all..sori for shifting the mood of the blog from happy to not so happy..just had to let go of some of my feelings rather than bottling it up..

weirda

♥Bid Farewell